i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
