either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
