you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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