I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
