I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
