Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize