no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
