I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I can't turn off my feet"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
