All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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