im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So many bounce houses so little time
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
