someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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