Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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