no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
