SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
