Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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