I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
