i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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