everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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