I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
