dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
