goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
