these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
