I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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