If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
