Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
