so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Are my feet made of real feet?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
