The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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