3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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