She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
