So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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