Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
