it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
