remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
