the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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