JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
