i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize