I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
