Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
