He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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