I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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