She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize