I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
