New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
