she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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