The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize