i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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