I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize