I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize