I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
