Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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