Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
