What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I am one with the molecules
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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