Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
