I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
