I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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