oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm always down for nudity.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
