and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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