Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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