Im at strip club and am horny
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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