The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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