if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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