I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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