I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
