you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
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